Bangkok One Last Time

Ah, Bangkok - just one last time (it's the only way to get home!) Oh how Ive missed it with it's nightmare traffic, grubby river and quaint temples right in the middle of busy intersections.





However it's also a great place to pick up some tailored suits and shirts at bargain prices. The real trick is trying to separate the good tailors from the bad tailors, because frankly, there are thousands of them - in fact around Suhkimvit 11 (Nana) there's practically nothing else.

Don't, don't, don't go with any taxi driver or tuk tuk driver - it's all about the kick backs the driver gets rather than providing you with a quality tailor. If you want to be ultra safe then use a tailor with a shop in the foyer of one of the major hotels, you will pay more however you will have some come back with the hotel as well as the tailor.

Also bear in mind that whatever the "headline" offer is i.e. $199 for three suits, three ties etc etc this will be for their lowest quality offering. To get real value for money you would be well advised to look at their highest quality fabrics then negotiate the best deal you can.

So in the three days before I fly home I'm getting some cashmere suits and some 120 cotton shirts tailored.

I chose Narrys in the end; they don't have touts working for them, they have substantial colour ads in the press, and they visit the UK twice a year. All signs of a good bet.

OK that's it from me. Just two fittings then it's off to the airport, but I'll be back with some final thoughts in a couple of days.

Mr C

Full Moon Party Koh PHi Phi

Ah the pace of life is easy here. Gt up at 8, stroll down to the cafe for a full English, watch a couple of episodes of Family Guy while I eat; then a two minute stroll to the pristine beach to sun bathe and swim till lunch.

Lunch is usually about a litre of fresh fruit ice blend smoothie, then it's time to shower and cool off under the a/c while watching an afternoon movie on cable. Quick siesta and then out for the night.

You could get used to this.

I already have.

So it's full moon party night and I have to say I'm pleased with my decision not to go to Koh Panang. Everything is so much more intimate here on Phi Phi, there are no worries about police or crime and the bars and restaurants here have really stepped up for the full moon party with fire shows, live bands and all night dancing. Transport is easy on Phi Phi as everything is just a short drunken stagger away.





You can't beat a band and a fire show, especially when a 1 litre bucket of vodka and coke costs £2.

My head WILL hurt in the morning but then again my most pressing engagement for tomorrow is lying on the beach for 4 hours so I should be ok.

Back to Phi Phi

Well Koh Lanta was nice, you just can't beat a cold beer and a breathtaking sunset. Truth is though, I miss Koh Phi Phi. It's just got everything I need - so I'm heading back there.

On balance I thing I will skip Koh Samui and the Eastern seaboard on the basis that at their very best they can only hope to match Phi Phi and at their worst they will be like Patong in Phuket which was a nightmare.

It means missing the full moon party but again if I want the thrill of thousands of drug infused teenagers, 40 year old power drinkers and undercover cops I can just go to Watford town centre any Friday night.

So it's back to the lovely Phi Phi Don:

Well full moon party is looming and they throw a big bash at Hippies Bar on Phi Phi Don so stay close for the blow by blow action....

Mr C

Koh Lanta

So I'm on a big boat again, somewhat better organised than the first, not a difficult task given that on the first boat the luggage was piled on the deck and we were then piled on the luggage. Every wave threatened a remake of the Poseidon Adventure, with noodles.

This vessel was positively QE2 by comparison, seats for everyone and air conditioning. There's even a snack bar selling cold beer and the first Twix I've seen in 3 weeks.

Koh Lanta is a little further south in the Adaman sea and a much bigger island. You can tell instantly by looking at the wide, sandy, deserted beaches on approach that this is a completely different island.











Lanta is how I imagine Thailand must have been 10 years ago, before the tourism industry ran amok with all that barbarous neon glitter and rampant building programs.












My home is one of a number of small scale bungalow developments which stretch away down the coast for miles. Nice pool and even air con - however on Lanta only the 5 star establishments can guarantee such formidable luxuries as hot water and cable TV, having said that the sunsets more than make up for it.


The beaches are vast, and surprisingly pretty much empty. This really is a sleepy little backwater of Thailand, and that is its' primary charm. My only criticism is that the beaches are quite rocky and with deep water making it less attractive for non swimming swimmers like myself.

There is little to distract you in Lanta; no clubs, discos or 24 x 7 shopping. Just endless beaches, good food, the sound of the waves and sunsets that leave your breathless.










The main port town is tiny and built out into the water on stilts. It reminds me very much of Changi village in Singapore where I spent some of my childhood. Changi ,I note ,very nearly disappeared under a wave of modernisation that swept through Singapore 20 years ago and was saved at the last gasp when someone finally realised that sometimes the past is every bit as valuable as the future. Looking at this sleepy, charmingly parochial little island I hope that it too escapes the ravages of "progress".














OK, I'm going to kick back and tune the world out for a bit. Catch up with you again soon.

MrC

P.S. Don't know if you know but if you click on any pictures in my blog you should be able to get a full screen of that picture - try it.

The Beach

Just a few miles off the coast of Phi Phi Don is the tiny 4 square mile island of Koh Phi Phi Ley, an uninhabited island that was unknown and unremarkable until Hollywood descended in the late eighties the film "The Beach".

Since then both islands have been the target of thousands of avid tourists seeking that perfect Caribbean-style idyll of a deserted, pristine, perfect beach.

I remains an uninhabited island by both day trippers and overnight campers travel there in droves. I have decided to become one of the latter and sleep on The Beach.

The journey was a classic Thai experience. Halfway out from the pier the captain decided (rightly) that the boat was too small for the 30 of us and all the equipment, so we jumped ship, pirate style to a converted fishing boat pictured below.

That boat then broke down not once , not twice but three times on the 40 minute journey!

We finally made it a couple of hours before sun set with the option of swimming ashore or kayaking around the bay.

As I mentioned before I swim like an articulated lorry, so the prospect of swimming the mile or so into shore in water 10m deep did not appeal. By contrast clambering from the Titanic onto a sea kayak, fully clothed with my camera in the same 10 metre water was a positive thrill.

Fortunately years of heavy drinking prepared me fully for situations that combine moving surfaces and a near total lack of balance. The sheer dread of capsizing saw me cutting through the water in my kayak like a ruddy torpedo.

Eventually the day trippers left and we 30 brave few had the beach to ourselves; as you can image quite a few asked for my autograph, I was able to put them straight on the fact that I am not in fact Leonardo, first thing in the morning.

Tents were set up and the BBQ and most importantly the portable bar. I'm sure I don't need top paint you a picture, but those buckets of Sansong (Thai whisky) and coke stack up pretty quickly, especially with lager chasers.

The highlight for me was swimming in the phosphorescent algae, beneath a perfect clear night sky.......before passing out cold on the beach.

I find it ironic that following the uproar about the ecological damaged caused by the filiming (the film company actually had the audacity to plant real trees on the island) not one word is now being said about the significant damaged caused by thousands of littering tourists that decend on the beach every week.

Anyway.....crikey, that rock looks like a gigantic penis!

Join me for more intellectual humour next time from Koh Lanta.

Next: Koh Lanta

Take care all.

Mr C

Koh Phi Phi

Welcome to Koh Phi Phi and at last the image of tropical paradise that I had in mind when I struck out for Thailand, and only an hour from Phuket by boat for a mere fiver.

It's a tiny island characterised by two tall mountainous outcrops linked by a narrow strip of white sand bordered by clear, shallow aquamarine seas.

This place is just perfect. There are no roads on Phi Phi and so no vehicles. No go go bars. No touts with arm fulls of tourist tat. You can walk everywhere.

The beaches are lovely, and the water is like a cool bath and is just 4 - 5 feet deep out for about a mile and a half. As some of you know I swim like a transit van and having nearly drowned twice so far this lifetime, a safe shallow beach is fantastic. It's the first time ever that I have waded in and swam straight out towards the horizon.

The beach is lined with a myriad of small bar/restaurants so when the sun and the swimming all gets too much you can kick back with a cocktail or a cold beer or a truly excellent fresh fruit shake.

This is a place that will be hard to leave.

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves I have to get back to the bikinis. Sorry I mean beach, obviously.

Next: "The Beach"

Mr C.

P.S. Many thanks to those of you who pointed out the hundreds of typos and spolling errors in this blog. In my defence I would say that I would like to see you do any better after 6 Mai Tais.

P.P.S. Just ate a 1 KG fresh lobster. Delicious. Feel sick.

2 Wheels out of Phuket

So Phuket, or more particularly the Soi Bangla, Patong beach area with its seedy nightlife, world class all ladyboy national netball team and condom strewn beach has proved to be a little disappointing.

So I'm asking myself, is there any redeeming feature? Is there anything that Phuket has to offer that would make the visit all worthwhile? Then it struck me. What's better than tramping around Thailand in the sun? Exactly....hooning around Thailand in the sun on a sports bike. Of Course!

There are no insurance considerations over here, you just hand over your cash and your passport and basically if you crash it (and live) you pay for the repairs.

Riding here is also different. It's a land where indicators and looking are regarded as strictly optional. It's one of the few downsides of Buddhism from an outsiders point of view, if it's your Karma to crash then you will and if you buy the farm as it were then don't worry you'll be reincarnated.

Motorcycles and scooters abound here and it's a wonder they don't die. It's like that scene from the Star Wars movie where all those X Wings and Tie Fighters come rushing at the screen in one big blur. I can only assume they use the Force over here otherwise the average life expectancy of a motorcyclist would be about 20 minutes.

The roads around Phuket turn out to be like a giant TT circuit, brilliant riding, rising, falling, continually twisting right round the coast of the island; absolutely stunning riding.

This Honda thrash wagon showed me what I had been missing in Phuket; Karon Beach and others further round the coast, quiet , pristine, unadulterated.

Final score for the days biking? 1 near pancake when a gigantic black toyota hilux 4x4 decided that I simply wasn't there at a roundabout; 2 rear wheel skids locked up when traffic decided to stop for no appearant reason and with no consideartion for the fact that I was doing 60 (ish) behind them.

Ok, well I've had enough of Phuket, I'm off to Koh Phi Phi, I wonder if this bike floats....

See you again soon, I hope. May the Force be With You.

Mr C.

Lady Boys Large it Up

Up until now I have only seen a handful of lady boys, however here in Phuket where brash is a kind of competitive sport, they are actively promoted.

There is a specific bar on Soi Bangla where lady boys dance for your pleasure and it is actively promoted as an attraction. There is consequent overflow onto the street and for the first time since arriving in Thailand I'm almost literally surrounded by shemales in various stages of transformation.

Being of a shy and nervous disposition I decided to sit in the balcony of a first floor bar to gawp at the he-shes in the company of what I hope were dancing GIRLS.

It's hard to believe that some of these beauties started out as men. Austin if you're reading this is still not too late to start your dancing career. Just chuck on one of your mums old frocks and get down to Phuket.

It really is like a Sergio Leone classic down here, however it seems like harmless fun. The performers certainly seem to enjoy it. Apologies for the sideways video, I haven't figured out how to rotate it for playback!

I asked my hostess (at least I'm pretty sure "she" was a hostess) why there are so many trans-sexuals in Thailand. She was quick to point out that being a Buddhist country the core philosophy is "live and let live". People simply are not persecuted for being who they are. What kind of world would we live in if that was the guiding principle behind Christianity and Islam? So tolerance and accessibility to surgery make it possible for this who wish to to do so. Makes sense to me.

I was warned by my server that some TVs fund their surgery through prostitution but specifically by essentially robbing their clients. As you can imagine I was in no rush to repeat my 8 bottles of Chang incident and surprisingly drank very little in Phuket..

And finally on this subject:

That one second in from the right looks pretty hot.....

Right that's it, I need to scarper before I make a messy mistake. Yikes.

Next: 2 Wheels out of Phuket

Cheers boys and girls, and all those in-between.

MrC.

Phuket or Bust

This is the collection of sights that greeted my eye on arrival in Phuket:

It's like Blackpool on a bad acid trip. This is the short street called Soi Bangla just a hundred yards from actually rather nice hotel I'm staying in. As you can see it's wall to wall bars, go go bars, and the usual tawdry collection of sex shows. I'm stunned to note that food and drink is twice the price here as it was in Chiang Mai or Bangkok, in many places it's 3 times the price.

On the plus side I found these, which I'm buying as gifts for everybody this Xmas:

Mankini - is nice, you buy.

Fortunately the morning revealed a somewhat less seamy side of Phuket in the form of the beaches which were indeed wonderful.

This is my first ay on the beach since arriving in Thailand and in typical British fashion I over did it. I look like lobster thermidor in a hat strutting around the streets.

Don't expect much Thai food in Phuket it took all day to find what I can only assume are the only two family run Thai restauranmts in the Pattong beach area.

Right I'm off for an aloe vera massage in the vain hope that this will all stop stinging.

Next: Lady Boys Large it Up

Later, dudes.

MrC

Off Road & Dangerous

Just a short entry today as my time in Chiang Mai is coming rapidly to a close. Just two more things I want to do here. One is to go to a real Thai boxing match. The other I spotted just the other day - half a day of off road ATV (quad biking) trekking; 45 Kms of rough trails on the back of a vehical that's less stable even than a motorbike, doesn't steer well and has very little in the way of effective brakes - how could I resist?

These machines are hilarious, it's all about body position and throttle, basically stand up and try to steer the beast with your body weight while yanking the throttle so far open its sounds like the engine will expode under the strain.

This could so easily have been a boring day, there were 5 Slovaks on the team, 2 of them girls; now I don't want to be accused of being sexist, there are some girls who are damn good on bikes and in cars, these two were not. The lads were also clearly scared witless, especially after one of them lost control and shot over the edge like a rocket propelled lemming, saved from certain death only by the two trees he hit on the way down.

Fortunately there was also a great Danish guy, my age, travelling for the same reasons. Together we were like a couple of long lost 14 year old brothers. We made sure we stayed well back from the tortoises so that we could charge at every tough section full throttle. We raced each other all the way back to base. A bloody brilliant day for 30 quid. I'd do it again if I didn't hurt so damn much.

So, kick boxing then. I wasn't impressed. Maybe I over hyped it in my own head, I was expecting violence, brutal kicks, blood, insane knockouts from round-house kicks etc etc. By comparison it was all rather tame. Take a look at the clip below, it's really more of a big hugathon really. There's only so much of this kind of fast paced brutality you can watch before you just fall asleep. I'd rather watch proper boxing any day of the week.

OK that's it from Chiang Mai, I'm off to the islands starting with Phuket. Take care.

MrC